Andrew Klavan: #GamerGate Forever!

In which our well-dressed, stylish host explores the coordinated left-wing media attacks on video games and the amazing response by gamers in defense of their right to be actual humans who like things that actual humans like. 


I’m Andrew Klavan and this is the Revolting Truth.

It’s time to take a semi-serious look at gamergate.  Now I know some of you out there are saying, “Gamergate?  What’s that?  You annoying little man.  Speak english!  And tuck in your shirt.”

But Gamergate is an important cultural battleground, where brave knight-like gamers are fighting back against the leftwing Orcs and Trolls... and feminists... who are trying to monopolize entertainment.

For decades, left wingers have dominated the arts, using movies, television, novels and critical articles to sell idiot notions like: America is oppressive, capitalism is evil, gender difference is bigotry and God is dead.

Why were these leftist knuckleheads able to subvert our culture?  To find out, let’s consult Conservative Culture Expert Grampus McFuddyDudd:

Grampus:  In my day, we didn’t have all this sex and violence in the picture shows, women were virgins until they got married or drunk, whichever came first...

That’s why.

But there was one area of the culture that remained untouched by the left’s poisonous and dishonest influence:  Video games, where freedom of thought and expression were untrammeled, where men were men and women had enormous breasts — but I mean, really, just huge and you could make them jiggle around by pressing the.... 


You may not play video games yourself...

Grampus:  In my day, if we wanted to play Pong, we had to use actual paddles and make those little booping noises with our lips.  It taught us self-reliance...

But the fact is, video gaming is an important segment of the entertainment industry.  More people play video games than watch cable TV and hit games make far more money far faster than hit movies. It’s not just for kids either; most gamers are adults...  or semi-adults like myself.

And while video games are mostly geared toward the geeky males who play them, they cover a wide spectrum of points of view. There’s macho all-American scenarios in Call of Duty, multicultural sensitivity in Assassin’s Creed, gangster hyper-violence in Grand Theft Auto, and of course the feminist action of Tomb Raider starring Lara Croft with her tremendous breasts...  really they’re gigantic and when you make her jump up and down...  

But... over the years, video gamers began to notice something suspicious.  Video games were continually being attacked in the media as violent and misogynistic.  Games that didn’t toe the left wing line were getting low ratings in important trade venues that were really mouthpieces for leftwing publishers like Vox Media and Gawker Media.  Left wing game journalists were organizing concerted attacks through a secret email list called GameJournoPros.  And the usual feminist dragon ladies were whining and screeching, then screeching and then whining, about every stupid thing from the fact that Super Mario rescues Princess Peach to the fact that the girl in Soul Calipur has these immense... I mean just titanic...

The point is:  Video games are under a left wing cultural invasion!  But look!  Gamers are fighting back.  Yes, a brave band of nerds calling themselves hashtag-gamergate has taken to social media and the press to denounce the onslaught of squid-like leftists and even more squid-like feminists.  With the help of honest journalists like Milo Yiannapolous of Breitbart. com, and despite the constant distortions of the mainstream media, hashtag-gamergaters are actually defending the free culture of the games they love so much.

Imagine!  What would it be like if freedom lovers fought to reclaim the culture everywhere?  If we pushed back against the left wing scolds who suck the joy out of everything they touch? If we made our own entertainments in which America is a beacon of freedom, capitalism is an engine of prosperity and innovation, the male-female dynamic is a unique source of human joy, and the God of liberty and love is alive and well.

Grampus:  What an exciting idea!  I think my heart...  Oh jinkies... [keels over with a thud.]

That’s right, freedom lovers.  Let’s follow the nerds of gamergate!  Once we dare to speak the truth fearlessly, it’s game over for the left.  Gamergate forever!

Grampus:  I think I need an ambulance.

I’m Andrew Klavan with the Revolting Truth.