NBC: Socialism is Key to Happiness

“There’s a feeling...in Denmark that nothing too bad will ever happen to you."

Ring the bells! On Monday’s edition of Today, Cynthia McFadden reported the end to one of the greatest quests in human history: the search for happiness. According to the NBC correspondent, the secret to that most elusive of all treasures is simple: socialism. 

While accompanying National Geographic’s Dan Buettner on a bicycle tour through Copenhagen, McFadden declared:

“For 40 years, Denmark has ranked as one of the happiest places on Earth...the Danes make life less stressed and more joyful.”

Sounds nice! Tell us more!

Continuing, McFadden explained:

“Here, no job is less than any other…(garbage man) Alan Christensen works just five hours a day, but earns the same as a school teacher. Ambition is not celebrated. No matter what you do, you’re no better than anybody else.”

Gosh…imagine what a great place the world would be, if everyone were paid the same as everyone else. Dare to dream.  

For that matter, imagine the advances we would make— in technology, science, medicine…if only ambition was not celebrated. Surely innumerable diseases could be cured, if only we were able to surgically remove the cancerous incentive to accomplish anything. Despite the American dream, the secret to prosperity has apparently been waiting just on the other side of tyrannical confiscation: socialism—the stripping of the citizenry of all ownership of products and means of production in favor of all resources being owned solely by the elite governmental few—is best.  It could be ours, if only we would march to that wonderfully utopian drumbeat of socialism— the ideological foundation and namesake of the NAZI party.    
McFadden schooled the NBC viewers on the superior nature of Hitler’s favorite economic paradigm:

“While some studies show the average American clocks in over 50 hours a week, [in Denmark] on average they work 37 hours and they have very clear punctuation between their work life and their social life.” 

“Mothers don’t have to worry so much about child care," Buettner said. “In Denmark, you get a year off,”  “Paid,” McFadden added. “The Danes trust their government.”

Of course, if there's one thing Europeans should have learned by now, it's not to trust the government. A few easy lessons: the Holocaust, Chernobyl, Stalin. But as Buettner and McFadden rode unicorns and slid down rainbows into a 60% tax rate, Buettner gushed:

“And there’s a feeling here in Denmark that nothing too bad will ever happen to you.” 

Freedom from fear, freedom from ambition, freedom from freedom…

“Every Dane is born with the right to free health care, free education through college, comfortable retirement. They’re free to pursue a job that meets their passions and their interests,” Buettner enthused.

At the end of the story, Cynthia McFadden flew back to horribly capitalist America, where she is an ambition-celebrating multimillionaire. Her garbage man makes $30,000 a year.