In which our yes-he's-happily-married-ladies host examines how the wise sages of main stream media covered, or didn't cover, the recent mid-term elections.
I’m Andrew Klavan and this is the Revolting Truth.
The political landscape has changed and now that some time has passed, let’s try to get at the deeper meaning of the midterm elections.
In the final results, Republicans won eleventy hundred Senate seats out of a possible thirty-three, and approximately a gazillion governorships including four in the seven states that only exist in Barack Obama’s imagination. I know many of you untrained amateur political hobbyists out there may feel this means that voters have repudiated the Obama presidency... and then thrown it to the ground and stomped on it... then set it on fire... and then mocked its dying agonies... while feeding the flames with crumpled Hope posters... that once seemed to promise so very, very much and now are only ashes.
And yet President Obama himself says he still believes he has the love of a grateful nation. The nation is Iran but Iranians are people too, some of them.
To separate the facts from the things the president says, let’s turn to the sharp-eyed, clear-eyed, blue-eyed, google-eyed experts who populate the mainstream media. Only their incisive analysis can help us reach the revolting truth.
For instance, the mainstream Washington Post determined that this was a so-called Seinfeld election that was about nothing, whereas the mainstream Daily Beast allowed it was more of a Seinfeld election that was actually about nothing. Mainstream New York magazine said this was really a Seinfeld election about nothing but mainstream columnists at CNN, Huffington Post and USA Today said this looked to them like a Seinfeld election and was about nothing. This, of course, is as opposed to being, say, a screw-off-leftist-jackass election that was about telling leftist jackasses to screw off.
The mainstream New York Times, a former newspaper, ran an op-ed saying there shouldn’t be any mid-term elections, while mainstream ABC, CBS and NBC simply pretended there weren’t any. According to our friends at the Media Research Center, mainstream ABC World News Tonight went seven weeks in September and October without running a single story about the midterms, while mainstream NBC and CBS ran only a tiny percentage of the number of stories they ran before the Democrat midterm victory in 2006. Network news executives were asked why they barely covered the upcoming Republican tsunami but they couldn’t hear the question because they had their fingers in their ears and were singing lalala very loudly.
But in the wake of the crushing, excoriating, devastating, humiliating, crushing and humiliating and devastating and humiliating rejection of Obama and the Democrat agenda, mainstream news commentators were quick to explain how Republicans winning elections meant Republicans were losing elections.
Matthew Dowd from the mainstream ABC News network said the Republican election triumph left the Republican brand “still very damaged,” whereas Jim Vanderhei of the mainstream website Politico said the GOP victory will put the party in “a hell of a jam” and Mika Brzezinski at the extremely mainstream MSNBC said the Republican wave will hurt Republicans because it will “embolden their self-destructive ways.”
And while Republicans did crush the Democrats... and did see them driven before them while hearing the lamentations of their women, Ben Smith of the mainstream website Buzzfeed said the elections meant surprisingly little, while Chris Cillizza at the still mainstream Washington Post called the elections “boring, vapid and inconsequential.” Chris Matthews made the following face.
So there you have it: according to the mainstream media, the midterms were elections about nothing that shouldn’t have been allowed and didn’t really happen but if they did they didn’t matter and Republicans lost them even if they won.
Now some of you may say this sort of election analysis only proves that so-called mainstream journalists are really just a bunch of ideologically corrupt leftist shills seeking to twist the facts to advance an extremist agenda that’s completely out of keeping with the founding principles of the United States.
I’m Andrew Klavan with the Revolting Truth.