Republicans were Tuesday's big winners in the Kentucky elections as a Tea Party-favorite landed the governor's chair, a black woman for the first time in the state's history is seated as lieutenant governor, and a state rep with only $37,000 uprooted the state's auditor, toppling his million-dollar campaign.
This devastating defeat left Kentucky House Speaker Greg Stumbo (D) stunned in disbelief. So stunned, he could barely make a coherent speech, and because of that, he wins This Week in Progressive Lunacy.
Here are the greatest hits from his rambling 6-minute speech, in which he tries to figure out Jesus's political affiliation (Democrat, of course!), and which horse Hillary Clinton is going to ride in on to save humanity:
Ladies and gentlemen, this is not over. A new day's comin'. Our message has to be reflected upon. We can't let them miscommunicate what our core values are. We can't let them make people believe that we are not godly people. We can't make them believe that only Christians are Republicans, and Republicans, therefore, are entitled to hold office.
Now, let me tell you, I'm going to admit, I have not read the holy book from front to finish like some of you probably have. But my reading of our Bible shows that the word Republican or Democrat isn't used.
[But…]
The lessons of our party are the lessons in the Bible; that you reach out to those who can't help themself, [sic] that you offer hope where hope isn't, that you believe that tomorrow is a better day, and that everybody ought to sacrifice and help those that aren't as lucky as you.
And I don't know whether Jesus would've been a Democrat or a Republican and nobody else does. But I know this: He was a carpenter and a teacher, and I bet every carpenter and teacher I know are pretty good Democrats.
And the other thing I know is… Mary did not ride an elephant into Bethlehem that night.
So, you go home and you go to your church and you tell people, I'm a Democrat -- I'm a God-fearing Democrat -- I'm a Democrat that believes the principles of the Bible that become the principles of our party. That this wealth accumulation in America has to cease, people have to have a right to have an equal education opportunity, that people have a right to have health care, that people have a right to enjoy the American dream, and we will rebuild this party starting right here in Kentucky.
I promise with all my heart that I'll work as hard as I can. I will work 26 hours a day, if you'll do the same… You can say 'Amen' if you want to!
You belong to the greatest political party the world has ever seen. You belong to the party of Jefferson, and Jackson, and Clinton, and Kennedy, and yes, Obama.
Now, I believe that there's a horse out there. It's not American Pharaoh. It's an Arkansas Traveler. And that horse is bringing a lady jockey and that horse and that jockey are going to come here to Kentucky next year and help us rebuild this party.
Oh, the agony of defeat.
Watch via The Federalist:
