School Board Mandates Politically Correct Halloween Costumes

Trig-ger-Treat!

This ain't your grandma's Halloween. Or yours. 

A school board in Ontario is looking out for the marginalized this year by distributing a guide to ensure that every child's Halloween costume is 100% politically correct. The letter, sent from the Conseil Scolaire Viamonde public school board, is entitled "Is My Costume Appropriate?" Though the regulations are for costumes worn to school, surely the sensitivity they trumpet is meant to educate parents on the horrors of inappropriate trick-or-treating at home, as well. Because if there's one thing the Left has taught us all, it's that schools are smarter than parents.

Among the Halloween costume no-no's, according to the pamphlet, are terrorists, cowboys, Indians, "urban ghetto dwellers" (because so many people are still "dwelling" in 2017), "war bonnets," turbans, kimonos, anything that could be interpreted as making fun of transvestites (so nothing of the opposite sex; wait--I thought there was no such thing as gender), and any costume that might represent a stereotype. We assume using a white sheet for a ghost is completely out of the question.

The radical instructional was delivered to parents last Friday, and it warns:

"Sometimes, even with good intent, or even without fully realizing it, people wear costumes that can make others feel upset, insulted or humiliated...Certain themes are touchy spots for members of our community and we want to show them kindness."

According to board spokeswoman Claire Francoeur, the guidelines have spawned discussion between parents and their kids, some of whom -- brace yourselves -- didn't realize Halloween costumes could be so doggone traumatizing. 

"We are trying to be really inclusive for everyone," Francoeur explained. "It is important to be respectful each and every day of the year, not just 364 days and giving up our duty of being respectful on Halloween.”

So remember, folks: you've got to live under the rule of cultural Marxism 365 days a year; no slipping into the lazy routine of a measly 364.

The board’s list of acceptable costume ideas include animals, imaginary characters, and a surfing shark. That will ensure any 9-year-old transgender geisha who dwells in the urban ghetto won't get his/her/xe’s feelings hurt.  

As part of the school board’s effort to prevent offensiveness on a day traditionally viewed as a lighthearted Autumn celebration of creativity, spookiness, and monsters, the letter also disapproves of anything that requires makeup to change the color of a kid's skin.

Given all the restrictions, maybe every child should just not dress up. Unless they’re a white male, of course. That's the most offensive monster of all.

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