The following is one TR contributor's satire regarding the #BoycottIndiana movement:
With all the controversy surrounding Indiana's new religious freedom law, many prominent voices, from Apple CEO Tim Cook to NCAA president Mark Emmert, have threatened to boycott the Hoosier state, believing the new law may lead to discrimination against gays and lesbians. Out of all the proposed threats against Indiana, including threats to burn down a local pizza shop, none have been so radical as filmmakers Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, who officially announced Thursday their decision to change the name of their most iconic character, Indiana Jones, if Governor Mike Pence didn't repeal the law entirely.
In an exclusive interview with TR, the two filmmakers opened up about their decision and elaborated on what fanboys could expect to see in the future if such a change were implemented. Transcript below:
TR: Most everybody on your side of the debate has simply threatened to boycott the state of Indiana, but you have gone so far to actually propose removing the name "Indiana" completely from the franchise?
Spielberg: Correct. If Governor Pence doesn't repeal the law, then the name "Indiana" will be stricken from all merchandise, DVDs, or Disney theme park rides.
TR: How do you plan to get around all the times they call him "Indiana" throughout the films?
Lucas: I made Greedo shoot first.
Spielberg: I edited the guns out of E.T., enough said.
TR: I don't get it though, wasn't Indiana just a nickname he stole from his dog? I mean, let's be honest guys, Sean Connery kind of killed the mystique there. The guy's over 70 now, adventure can't always be his name, can't he just give it up in the next installment as a symbol of his retirement and then take off with Shia LaBeouf as Mutt Williams?
Lucas: Absolutely not! I have make-up artists and costume designers calling me at the Skywalker Ranch every waking hour, lamenting that whenever they look upon that poster from Raiders with the word "Indiana" triumphantly pressing on them in orange and yellow letters, they see only a white, heterosexual male, literally cracking his whip of Christian oppression at them in punishment for their love. The smug smile on his face doesn't help much either.
Spielberg: Put it this way, at Dreamworks, the LGBT employees gathered in the parking lot, where they began tossing Temple of Doom merchandise into a bonfire while chanting "Kali Ma Spielberg" and accusing me of Asian stereotyping with Short Round. It was hard enough getting fanboys off my back with Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but this!?
TR: But you both have such great records on LGBT issues. Why the sudden hostility?
Spielberg: That's what I said! I endorsed Barack Obama twice, dammit, despite his associations with Louis Farrakhan, but nothing would sway them, not even when I promised a sequel to E.T. where Drew Barrymore gets a sex change.
TR: That'd be quite a sight.
Spielberg: I know, but not good enough. They wanted the name. "Indiana must die," they said.
TR: So, if you don't mind sharing, what name do you plan to give him, exactly?
Lucas: I think I can answer that, Steven.
Spielberg: By all means, George.
Lucas: With all this sudden drama, I've been thinking that this could be a real opportunity to do something spectacular, something the world has never seen.
TR: More spectacular than what you did with the Star Wars prequels?
Lucas: Even better! I propose this: Indiana Jones, from now on, will forever be transgendered. With all the advancements made in digital make-up, we just have to go back to the editing room, put on a few dabs of lipstick with some eye-liner on Harrison's face, CG in a dress, replace the iconic fedora with a navy blue tilt hat, and we have......Diana Jones: Transarchaeologist!
TR: Wow! That's quite a technological feat you're taking on. Steven, at your age, you really up for that challenge?
(Awkward Silence)
TR: Steven?
Spielberg: I'm sorry, George. What are we doing now?
The following is one TR contributor's satire regarding the #BoycottIndiana movement:
With all the controversy surrounding Indiana's new religious freedom law, many prominent voices, from Apple CEO Tim Cook to NCAA president Mark Emmert, have threatened to boycott the Hoosier state, believing the new law may lead to discrimination against gays and lesbians. Out of all the proposed threats against Indiana, including threats to burn down a local pizza shop, none have been so radical as filmmakers Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, who officially announced Thursday their decision to change the name of their most iconic character, Indiana Jones, if Governor Mike Pence didn't repeal the law entirely.
In an exclusive interview with TR, the two filmmakers opened up about their decision and elaborated on what fanboys could expect to see in the future if such a change were implemented. Transcript below:
TR: Most everybody on your side of the debate has simply threatened to boycott the state of Indiana, but you have gone so far to actually propose removing the name "Indiana" completely from the franchise?
Spielberg: Correct. If Governor Pence doesn't repeal the law, then the name "Indiana" will be stricken from all merchandise, DVDs, or Disney theme park rides.
TR: How do you plan to get around all the times they call him "Indiana" throughout the films?
Lucas: I made Greedo shoot first.
Spielberg: I edited the guns out of E.T., enough said.
TR: I don't get it though, wasn't Indiana just a nickname he stole from his dog? I mean, let's be honest guys, Sean Connery kind of killed the mystique there. The guy's over 70 now, adventure can't always be his name, can't he just give it up in the next installment as a symbol of his retirement and then take off with Shia LaBeouf as Mutt Williams?
Lucas: Absolutely not! I have make-up artists and costume designers calling me at the Skywalker Ranch every waking hour, lamenting that whenever they look upon that poster from Raiders with the word "Indiana" triumphantly pressing on them in orange and yellow letters, they see only a white, heterosexual male, literally cracking his whip of Christian oppression at them in punishment for their love. The smug smile on his face doesn't help much either.
Spielberg: Put it this way, at Dreamworks, the LGBT employees gathered in the parking lot, where they began tossing Temple of Doom merchandise into a bonfire while chanting "Kali Ma Spielberg" and accusing me of Asian stereotyping with Short Round. It was hard enough getting fanboys off my back with Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but this!?
TR: But you both have such great records on LGBT issues. Why the sudden hostility?
Spielberg: That's what I said! I endorsed Barack Obama twice, dammit, despite his associations with Louis Farrakhan, but nothing would sway them, not even when I promised a sequel to E.T. where Drew Barrymore gets a sex change.
TR: That'd be quite a sight.
Spielberg: I know, but not good enough. They wanted the name. "Indiana must die," they said.
TR: So, if you don't mind sharing, what name do you plan to give him, exactly?
Lucas: I think I can answer that, Steven.
Spielberg: By all means, George.
Lucas: With all this sudden drama, I've been thinking that this could be a real opportunity to do something spectacular, something the world has never seen.
TR: More spectacular than what you did with the Star Wars prequels?
Lucas: Even better! I propose this: Indiana Jones, from now on, will forever be transgendered. With all the advancements made in digital make-up, we just have to go back to the editing room, put on a few dabs of lipstick with some eye-liner on Harrison's face, CG in a dress, replace the iconic fedora with a navy blue tilt hat, and we have......Diana Jones: Transarchaeologist!
TR: Wow! That's quite a technological feat you're taking on. Steven, at your age, you really up for that challenge?
(Awkward Silence)
TR: Steven?
Spielberg: I'm sorry, George. What are we doing now?
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