Conservatives have been raked over the coals and labeled as bigots for warning that some men will exploit the transgender bathroom rules to creep around the women’s restroom, no questions asked. But it’s true, and for one self-proclaimed “very progressive” mother in California, this reality hit way too close for comfort on a recent trip with her children to Disneyland, of all places.
On her blog “The Get Real Mom,” Kristen Quintrall Lavin recounts a horrifying experience at “The Happiest Place on Earth” where she came face-to-face with a “large, burly man” lingering inside the restroom with her, her children, and at least 12 other moms with children, all with the same look on their faces. She writes:
I was off to the side waiting with the two boys, when I noticed a man walk into the restroom. My first thought was “Oh shit, he’s walked in the wrong restroom by mistake. lol” He took a few more steps, at which point he would’ve definitely noticed all the women lined up and still kept walking. My next thought was, “Maybe he’s looking for his wife…or child and they’ve been in here a while.” But he didn’t call out any names or look around. He just stood off to the side and leaned up against the wall. At this point I’m like, “WTF? Ok there is definitely a very large, burly man in a Lakers jersey who just walked in here. Am I the only one seeing this?" I surveyed the room and saw roughly 12 women, children in tow, staring at him with the exact same look on their faces. Everyone was visibly uncomfortable. We were all trading looks and motioning our eyes over to him…like "What is he doing in here?” Yet every single one of us was silent. And this is the reason I wrote this blog.
Lavin was careful to establish that she is “a very progressive woman” and is “tolerant of most things,” including transgender people whom she’s shared a women’s bathroom with several times before as a Los Angeles resident. But this time was very different, she said:
If this had been 5 years ago, you bet your ass every woman in there would’ve been like, “Ummm what are you doing in here?”, but in 2017? The mood has shifted. We had been culturally bullied into silenced. Women were mid-changing their baby’s diapers on the changing tables and I could see them shifting to block his view. But they remained silent. I stayed silent. We all did. Every woman who exited a stall and immediately zeroed right in on him...said nothing.
Lavin explained the “why” and the general feeling felt around the room: “What if I say something and he says he ‘identifies as a woman’ and then I come off as the intolerant asshole at the happiest place on earth? So we all stood there, shifting in our uncomfortableness…trading looks.”
“So there lingered this unspoken doubt everyone had….that .00001% chance this wasn’t a man,” she continued. “Let me be clear. This was totally a man. If this wasn’t a man, this was a woman who had fully transitioned via surgery and hormones into a man and had also gotten an Adam’s apple implant, chest hair and size 9-10 shoes ....and at that point, wtf are you doing in the women’s restroom?”
And the man wasn’t doing anything one does in the bathroom, Lavin said: not urinating, not washing his hands — “just standing off to the side looking smug…untouchable... doing absolutely nothing.”
He then did a lap around the restroom walking by all the stalls You know, the stalls that have 1 inch gaps by all the doors hinges so you can most definitely see everyone with their pants around their ankles and vagina clear as day.
Lavin said that though hesitant, she finally wrote the blog because she wants answers, as she quickly was faced with the facts: “Gender just can't be a feeling:”
We can’t leave this situation ambiguous any more. The gender debate needs to be addressed... and quickly. There have to be guidelines. It can’t just be a feeling. I’m sorry. I wish it could, but it can’t…
There was a man in the bathroom. Not transgender. There was a man who felt entitled to be in the woman restroom, because he knew no one would say anything. There were 20-25 people by the time I left, who were scared and uncomfortable by his ominous presence. And the only thing stopping us, was our fear of political correctness and that the media has told us we don’t know what gender is anymore. I never want to be in the position again. Im not asking for permission to tell transgender people to get out my bathroom. I need to know it’s ok to tell a man, who looks like a man, to get the f*&% out. Gender just can't be a feeling. There has to be science to it. DNA, genitals, amount of Sephora make up on your face, pick your poison, but as a very progressive woman...I'm sorry it can't just be a feeling when theres but a mere suggestion of a door with a peep hole separating your eyes from my vagina or my children's genitals.
Welcome to conservatism, Mrs. Lavin. Why don’t you stay for a while?