NYT's Dowd: 'Welcome to Ted Cruz's Thunderdome'

"Thomas Jefferson’s utopia devolved into Ted Cruz’s dystopia."

Leave it to Maureen Dowd, Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist for The New York Times, to turn to bad screenwriting in an attempt to slander Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) with the newest Democratic label: anarchist. Dowd’s column, ridiculously titled “Welcome to Ted Cruz’s Thunderdome,” suggests that Washington DC is on the verge of caving into oblivion should the government shutdown continue. Here’s Dowd’s delusional view of the world:

AN ape sits where Abe sat.

The year is 2084, in the capital of the land formerly called North America.

The peeling columns of the Lincoln Memorial, and Abe’s majestic head, elegant hands and big feet are partially submerged in sludge. Animals that escaped from the National Zoo after zookeepers were furloughed seven decades ago migrated to the memorials, hunting for food left by tourists.

There’s the obligatory slap at the Tea Party, of course:

Tea Party zombies, thrilled with the dark destruction they have wreaked on the planet, continue to maraud around the Hill, eager to chomp on humanity some more.

Never mind that it’s the federal government consuming more and more American tax dollars and lives – it’s those damned Tea Partiers who must be stopped from their cannibalism. So who’s to blame for all this horror? Ted Cruz, naturally. And the Koch brothers:

Thomas Jefferson’s utopia devolved into Ted Cruz’s dystopia….Koch brother drones patrol the skies.

She also blames “flesh-eating Dark Seeker Paul Ryan,” who opposes the shutdown strategy. So do the Koch brothers.

Anyone who thinks that modern Washington DC is Thomas Jefferson’s utopia has no idea what Thomas Jefferson actually thought about the federal government. He virulently opposed John Adams’ federalist program, in a day when the federal government didn’t even have the power to levy income tax. But according to Dowd, decentralization away from Washington – or even a 15% cut in government services – is the end of the world, and a betrayal of our founding ideals.

Then Dowd gets into writing awful dialogue – a conversation between a young boy and an old man, who remembers the good old days:

The Grand Old Party, the proud haven of patriots who believed in a strong national security and fiscal responsibility, was infected with a mutant form of ideology. It was named the Sarahcuda Strain after the earliest carrier. Remember when you saw that old science fiction movie, ‘I Am Legend’? A scientist described the virus that burned through civilization as being like ‘a very fast car driven by a very bad man.’ That’s what happened: In the infected Tea Party politicians, brain function decreased and social de-evolution occurred. They began ignoring their basic survival instincts.

Yes, Dowd gets paid to write like this.