Andrew Klavan: The Magic Box of Leftism

In which our host explores the art of illusion and the Vegas-style magical thinking of the progressive left.

TRANSCRIPT:

I’m Andrew Klavan and this is the Revolting Truth.

Today, right before your very eyes, The Revolting Truth presents astounding feats of magic worthy of Penn and…  the silent one…  unless Penn is the silent one…  then this would be worthy of Teller and the silent one…  who would be Penn...

What was I talking about?

Oh yeah!  Astounding and amazing feats of sleight-of-hand, legerdemain and prestidigi… sleight-of-hand…  as we present to you the astonishing, breath-taking, mind-boggling and insanely destructive…  Magic Box of Leftism.

Yes, the Magic Box of Leftism brought to our shores from the mysterious reaches of the east where it made entire cultures, economies and innocent victims disappear like that…  now it has been brought to our shores by our own wisest asshats in order to mesmerize you with its fantastic power to turn good intentions…  into crap.

Behold!

Equality! 

Now the word equality when it’s applied to human beings means…  well, actually I don’t know what it means when it’s applied to human beings.  But equality is good for slaves and dead men so it must be great for the rest of us as well.

Watch what happens when we put the meaningless word equality into the Magic Box of Leftism.  Wo-ho!  Under leftist president Barack Obama, income inequality has grown at a rate about four times greater than under President Bush.  About 95% of income gains under the leftist Obama have gone to the top 1% of earners. 

How does the magic box of leftism turn equality into inequality?  Massive regulation that makes business too expensive for start ups and therefore favors big corporations, higher taxes on the wealthy so they hire fewer of the rest of us, which means wages stagnate and more in the middle class sink into poverty.

Amazing!

Now watch this!

Sexual Freedom.

In the bad old conservative days, people took a moralistic attitude toward sex. Marriage locked couples into a miserable prison of mutual care and affection. A woman was called a “slut” just for being a “slut.”  And if she got pregnant, she wasn’t even free to choose to inject poison into her child’s heart, suck out its brains and pull its dead body from her womb limb by limb.  Was that fair?

So into the magic box of leftism went “Sexual Freedom.”  And out came…  depressed women…  hysterical cries of rape…  millions of dead babies…  and restrictive laws like Yes Means Yes. In the magic box of leftism, sexual freedom becomes sexual repression.

Absolutely astounding!

One more.

Peace.  Enough of those evil wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Pull out our troops…  cut the military budget… and never say anything to insult [] which has absolutely nothing to do with [] terrorism.  In fact, [] is so irrelevant you can’t even tell what word I’m not saying.

So let’s put peace into the magic box of leftism and…  whoa!  Oh!  Gah!  Oh my…  Ech! 

That’s, uh, mind-boggling.  Uch!

All right, so I know what you’re all wondering.  What’s inside the box?  What is it that transforms the happy face programs of the left into their exact opposite?

Today, the secret will at last be told.  Exclusively here on the Revolting Truth, we open the Magic Box of Leftism to reveal…

And what’s most amazing of all…  if you’re a leftist…  it’s completely invisible.

I’m Andrew Klavan with the Revolting Truth.

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