Andrew Klavan: Just Say No To Feminism


Just Say No To Feminism!

I’m Andrew Klavan and this is the Revolting Truth.

24-year-old film actress and all-around svelte cutie-pie Emma Watson recently delivered a speech to the United Nations on the subject of feminism.  The speech won universal praise from all who heard it, except the Iranian ambassador who said he was disappointed because he was hoping he’d get to stone Hermione.

Miss Watson’s speech launched the He-for-She campaign, during which the hot little English tomato will be calling on men to begin joining the ranks of feminists.  Many men agreed immediately and could be seen outside the UN losing their senses of humor and calling themselves names. 

We here at the Revolting Truth would like to add our own heartfelt response to Miss Watson’s rousing call to become feminist:  “No.  And keep it down, we’re trying to watch TV.”

Now don’t get me wrong.  In general, the Revolting Truth would like to see women treated almost as well as regular people.  For instance, we think it would be great if our Sharia Muslim friends around the world would stop sticking women in black bags and throwing rocks at them.  That sort of thing is all right to do to cats and other small animals if you happen to be an 8-year-old boy who aspires to become a serial killer.  But for grown men, it might be more appropriate to get a girl’s attention by picking up the check for dinner from time to time or maybe sending her flowers. So really.  Sharia people.  Stop with the bags and rocks.  I’m serious.

What was I talking about?

Oh yeah.  The reason we men don’t want to become feminists is because feminists are dreadful and they lie all the time.  For instance, they claim that women earn only 77 cents to the male dollar for doing the same work as men. Not true.  When you calculate the differences between men and women’s working hours, qualifications and types of jobs, a wage gap barely exists at all.

Feminists declare men and women are equally interested in science and sports, and ignore the overwhelming evidence that our brains have evolved differently and, in general, are attuned to different goals and purposes.  Feminists claim women will feel liberated if they act as promiscuously as men, which has only helped to create a hook-up culture that leaves young women feeling depressed and ashamed. And when college women express their regrets at sleeping around like feminists told them to, feminists start screaming that one in five of them has been sexually assaulted — another lie.

The reason feminists have to tell all these lies is that they’re trying to support a foundational belief that is so obviously itself a lie. They believe that men and women have the exact same desires and capabilities and that therefore any inequality of economic or social outcomes between the two sexes must be due to bigotry and should therefore be erased by government fiat...  which in practice means the government is always going to come down unfairly against men.

So Emma Watson, we’re just going to say no to the oppressive scam of feminism.  And here at the Revolting Truth, no means no.  Most of the time.

I’m Andrew Klavan with the Revolting Truth.