TIME: Hillary Losing Because Penises

"Men build towering shrines to their manhoods"

According to Jill Filipovic at TIME, Hillary Clinton may lose her White House bid because of penises, not because of her corruption or scheming, but because of male genitalia.

Filipovic takes the line of argument that Hillary, whom she laughably described as a "hypercompetent, pantsuited icon of unbridled female ambition," would be soaring towards the presidency if not for the sexual immaturity of men like her husband Bill, Donald Trump, and the infamous Anthony Weiner.

Trump bragged about the size of his penis onstage at a primary debate, and has run a campaign unabashedly catering to the masculine identities of white men who believe that, by virtue of no longer being 100% in charge of everything, they are culturally marginalized. 

Because Abedin’s husband couldn’t stop himself from taking photos of his own penis, her boss’s race is now vulnerable. And depending on what Abedin told investigators during the FBI investigation into Clinton’s private email server, she could be facing serious legal trouble if she used Weiner’s laptop to access classified material and did not disclose that fact.

Filipovic then aims her guns at FBI Director James Comey for some reason, even though his re-opening the investigation on Hillary's use of a private email server has nothing to do with his happiness down south. Somehow, someway, according to Filipovic, Comey's actions add "to the long list of men whose outsized egos and personal proclivities could very well keep a woman out of the White House." She has absolutely no evidence to argue this – not even a TED Talk from some Harvard Ph.D in Women's Studies – and rests her claim entirely on the fact that Comey did not "take the advice of the Attorney General and follow DOJ protocol" before announcing to Congress of the ongoing investigation. Can someone give this woman a straw to grasp?

Then Filipovic gets a little Freudian in a way that only Hitchcock could emulate as she seems convinced the rise of female power goes beyond just battling "gendered insults" or sexists comments about Hillary's demeanor. This is something far more insidious, with the Washington Monument and the Eiffel Tower as the culprits.

Men build towering shrines to their manhoods — the Washington Monument, the Eiffel Tower. Are we really so surprised that, faced with the first woman inches away from taking the seat of ultimate and until now male-only power, men like Trump would explicitly emphasize their own inches?


She then concludes her Freudian analysis with a little anti-male sexism of her own by claiming that Hillary's supposed suffering at the hands of male genitalia makes a great case for "putting more women in positions of power," because while they "can be as craven, evil, and corrupt as men," they so rarely act like pathetic "adolescent boys, distracting from the real issues with lizard-brained sexual stupidity."

Filipovic should read Lena Dunham's autobiography in which the later openly (and quite unashamedly) admits to sexually abusing her little sister when they were little tikes, or watch the latest Miley Cyrus music video. Both celebrities have openly stumped for Hillary 2016. Penis or vagina, Hillary rolls with a "lizard-brained" sexually perverse crowd as well.