Feminist Pens Ugly, Despicable Mother's Day Message

"The worst thing I've ever done to my mother."

Yes, even feminists have a Mom, and therefore, celebrate Mother's Day, albeit with a slightly different outlook. To a feminist like Rebecca Helm of SlateMother's Day means apologizing to her mother for "the worst thing" she ever did, namely, hijacking her uterus at the moment of conception. 

According to Helm, Mother's Day is not a holiday where children reflect upon their mother's sacrifices in ensuring they led happy, productive lives. No, it's one in which all children should join in collective guilt for existing in the first place. 

"This Mother's Day I'd like to apologize for the worst thing I've ever done to my mother," she writes. "And you did it to your mother, too."

She begins her letter telling her mother just how "sorry" she feels for unconsciously consuming parts of her body and "taking control" of her blood supply. From there, Helm displays her extensive knowledge in female anatomy as she describes a child's maturation from "zygote" to "fetus," which reads like a scene from Ridley Scott's Alien

"Just when you thought I couldn't get any more demanding, I started actively invading your blood supply," she later says. "This is where humans are especially destructive. No other animal is so ruthless in its invasion. For most animal species, Mom’s blood vessels remain safely hers, but humans are not like most animals."

Of course, Helm wants her mother to know that she's not only sorry, but also thankful. 

"Thank you for letting me grow inside you, kill your cells, take your nutrients, and control your hormones," she concludes. "Thank you for tolerating all this while also making sure I survived."

Happy Mother's Day!