Fem Blogger: 20 Tips for Your First Abortion

"Realize the tears were about hormones and relief."

Those feminists are at it again, and this time they have a new blog post circulating the web that gives young women some advice on how to make their first abortion go a bit smoother, lest their conscience get in the way of things.

Posted by Madeleine Roe, the article titled "20 Tips for Your First Abortion" casually lays out some techniques for women to assuage whatever tension, or perhaps guilt, they might be feeling when aborting their pregnancy. Below are a few excerpts:

  • Avoid any website that uses the word “life.” They will not help you. Also avoid all images. All of them. Even if it promises to be a cartoon drawing called “Olivia the Ovary.” They will not help you either.
  • It will cost around six hundred dollars. Consider the cost of raising a child. Consider the cost of that Beyoncé concert ticket you almost bought. Now, let it go.
  • Technology that tells you exactly how far along you are now exists. And it is terrible. You want to be zero days along, negative days along, but listen when the nurse says, “six weeks and five days.” Don’t dwell on this number. 
  • You know the medium-sized metal bowl you use to mix pancake batter? The bowl your parents stored Halloween candy in? That bowl will also be in the room. It is for exactly what you think it is for. 
  • Eat the animal crackers. Drink the apple juice. Realize the tears were about hormones and relief. Breathe deeply. 
  • Go home. Relax. Eat a big meal. Process your emotions. Take a shower. Talk with your friends. Cry with your friends. Make inappropriate jokes about how you were “killin’ it” today and laugh with your friends.

Tune in next week for "20 Tips When Dealing with Post-Abortion Guilt."