In which our resident scholar on all things Middle-East - and circus related, Andrew Klavan, explains Barack Obama's policy for that troubled region. Think of it as Smart Diplomacy for Dummies...
I’m Andrew Klavan and this is the Revolting Truth.
This is the Middle East.
This is the Middle East during the Obama administration.
Some of you may observe these results of Obama’s smart diplomacy and think to yourself, “Whoa, this president’s foreign policy looks like a clown car... full of those evil Stephen King clowns who live in the sewer and say eerie things to children then turn into a gigantic spider and devour them. While laughing maniacally.”
Ah-ha, but if you said that, it’s probably because you don’t have the nuanced, subtle Obama-like intelligence to appreciate the subtle nuances and nuanced subtleties with which Obama’s smart diplomacy has transformed this troubled region.
I wish it would stop doing that.
You see, during the non-smart George W. Bush administration, Bush’s reckless cowboy policies dragged the United States into ceaselessly supporting our friends while attacking our enemies. [snorts] Any idiot could come up with that strategy!
Now as best we can, given our non-Obama non smartness, let’s try to comprehend the ever-so-subtle subtlety of the nuanced nuances of Obama’s smarter-than-smart smart diplomacy approach and see just how smartly smart his smart diplomacy is.
When uprisings began in the Middle East at the end of 2010, the media dubbed them the Arab Spring — after the famous deodorant, I think. Smart Obama cleverly defied expectations by withdrawing support from our ally Hosni Mubarak, and backing the Muslim Brotherhood, who want us all dead. Which was smart! Because the Egyptian military then replaced the repressive brotherhood with President Abdel Fattah al-Sisi - who courageously stood up against Islamic extremism. So Obama abandoned him as well.
Meanwhile, in Syria, when opposition arose against the tyrant Bashar al-Assad — Obama declared “Assad must go,” and backed it up with a quick round of 18 holes at Grande Oaks. When Assad then unleashed brutal attacks on his own people, Obama drew a red line against Assad’s use of chemical weapons and then erased it when Assad used chemical weapons.
Now by this time, George W. Bush’s surge of troops had so completely won the war in Iraq that Vice President Biden was claiming the Iraq victory as one of Obama’s major accomplishments. Only a man as smart as our president could think to wrong-foot our defeated enemies by suddenly surrendering to them. This took the murderous Islamists so completely off-guard that they quickly conquered the entire region, giving control of it to ISIS, who want us all dead.
But don’t worry. Obama then decided to fight ISIS by sending our Air Force to support attacks on ISIS by the Iranians... who want us all dead.
But that’s okay because we’re also opposing the Iranians in Yemen where our defense of the government against Iran-backed extremists was declared by the administration to be a total success after it completely failed.
But thank goodness our successful opposition to Iran in Yemen was a failure, because now it won’t jeopardize Obama’s deal to let Iran make nuclear weapons... so they can destroy Israel... whom we hate because they’re our friends.
Now, see, you and I can’t even begin to understand the subtle... nuanced... nuanced... subtleties of Obama’s over-arching strategy here. While we’re just focusing on one disaster after another, Obama in his smart smartness takes the global view.
That can’t be good.
I’m Andrew Klavan with the Revolting Truth.