Andrew Klavan: How to Speak Leftist

In which our host offers a helpful guide to right-wingers on the true meaning of popular leftist phrases. Behold, the Leftese Dictionary!

TRANSCRIPT:

RT:  The Leftist to English Dictionary, Part One

I’m Andrew Klavan and this is the Revolting Truth.

Some of you may have noticed that our country is sharply divided along political lines.  To those of you who haven’t noticed:  our country is sharply divided along political lines.  Approximately thirty eight percent of Americans identify themselves as conservative, twenty three percent identify themselves as liberal, while the remaining thirty nine percent can’t identify themselves and are waiting for a policeman to take them home.

Those who identify as conservative generally believe in limited government, low taxes and close adherence to the constitution.  Those who identify as liberal generally believe that if they had a hammer, they’d hammer out justice all over the land, but since they don’t, they’ll just have another latte and feel good about themselves.

Can we bring these two sides closer together without using rope and a nail gun or would using rope and a nail gun actually be kind of a good time?

We here at the Revolting Truth believe that better communication is the road to better understanding which is the path to better relations which is the freeway to better homes and gardens which is the last stop before Tomorrowland.

And that’s why today we’d like to present the first installment of the Leftese Dictionary - a glossary of left wing terms and their meanings which will help right wingers understand what the people who don’t know what they’re talking about are talking about.

Let’s begin with a term Right Wingers hear a lot when chatting with Left Wingers:  “You are racist!”  The phrase “You are a racist!” or “That’s racist,” is leftese for “I have no logical arguments.”  As an example of how the term is used in conversation, let’s say you point out that under President Obama’s left wing policies, the percentage of African American families living in poverty has increased and black participation in the labor force has decreased while under right wing President Reagan black unemployment plummeted, and the income gap between blacks and whites narrowed. That’s when a left winger might respond by employing the phrase, “You are racist.”

Leftists have many different ways of saying “I have no logical argument,” for the same reason Eskimos have many different words for snow.  Another way a leftist may concede that his point of view is nonsense is by saying “I am offended.”  If, for instance, you point out that the poverty rate for women has increased under President Obama and that women’s earnings relative to men have declined, making this a dark economic time for women, a leftist might reply, “You said the word dark.  You are racist.  I am offended.”

One other way a leftist might have of saying, “I have no logical argument,” is “the science is settled.”  If you point out that there is exactly zero real evidence that human actions threaten to cause catastrophic climate change, a leftist will reply, “The science is settled.”  When you ask him what precise scientific facts he is talking about, he is likely to say, “I am offended.  You are racist.”

I hope you’ve enjoyed this installment of the Leftese Dictionary.  Remember “I am here to help you.”  Which is leftese for “Grab your wallet and run for your life.”

I’m Andrew Klavan with the Revolting Truth.

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