In an embarrassing article that took four writers to compose, The Washington Post played pretend by imagining what life would be like a year into Hillary Clinton’s presidency. The media is holding on as tight to that dashed dream as Clinton herself.
Clinton fans Ben Terris, Dan Zak, Monica Hesse and Amy Argetsinger stumbled their way through the unfunny piece starting with a bunch of “what-ifs:”
What if Election Day 2016 had gone a little differently? What if a freak snowstorm across the Rust Belt had kept rural Trump voters from the polls? What if Russia had read its psyops data wrong and pivoted its resources to Snapchat? What if James Comey had taken a closer look at those emails in late October and decided, eh, it’s probably nothing.
What if all of these things happened?
What if Clinton had won?
Let’s pretend real journalists actually work at The Post.
Okay, back to reality.
It took four people to write a 1,300-word satire piece that imagined an entirely different world under the United State’s first female president, including a “Men’s March” on Inauguration Day, the New England Patriots losing the Super Bowl, Donald Trump launching TrumpTV, and somehow implying that Carrie Fisher would still be alive without Trump in office.
Sure, it comes from the WaPo’s “Department of Satire,” but come on, they really did want this. They even made a sketch comedy video (see above). What a sad way to spend the election anniversary of Donald Trump by not letting go.
But the WaPo wasn’t alone in its wild imaginations. The UK’s Guardian detailed a month-by-month fictional recreation of Clinton’s first year in office, which also began with “what-ifs:”
Has it really been a year since America elected a flabby, racist, melting-candle president? Gosh, how time flies…
But what if Hillary Clinton had gained a few more votes in the midwest, if James Comey hadn’t come out with that October FBI surprise, or if Russia had spent its social media budget on LinkedIn instead of Facebook? How would 2017 have turned out then?
Welcome to the Marginally Less Dark Timeline: Hillary Clinton Edition.
There was only one writer for this decisively funnier satire — though the bar wasn’t set real high. Jack Bernhardt imagined Trump starting his own country:
At Mar-a-Lago, Donald Trump Jr gives his father a hug lasting 2.5 seconds (a personal best), and tells him that no matter what, he’s the president of this house. Donald Trump Sr takes this literally, and declares Mar-a-Lago a new independent country, “Trumpistan”. After all, Robert E Lee, the greatest American of all time, taught him that the most American thing you can do when you don’t like an election result is start a new country in the south.
But in case these writers are still confused as to what is or isn’t fantasy: