From Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's "conscious uncoupling" to atheists suing for a cross to be taken off a building, comedian Bill Maher lambasted his own kind -- "obnoxious liberals" -- on his Friday late-night HBO show, Real Time.
Also in his scope: the "political correctness Nazis," who "hound" him for apologies for his offensive jokes and comments.
Maher ranted against Facebook for its addition of 56 gender choices for profiles, which include transgender and cisgender. Maher quipped: "and, of course, Bruce Gender."
Maher admitted to almost eating at Chick-fil-A simply because so many said not to.
To atheists who want crosses taken down, Maher said, "We're atheists. Not vampires. If you can't handle seeing a cross now and then, you picked the wrong country."
Maher concedes, "Liberals can be obnoxious." But he offers this warning: "Remember for every liberal with a cause who makes you go, 'Oh, just shoot me,' there's a conservative with a gun who will."
Transcript below (language alert):
What Republicans have done is tap into the deep, rich vein of cultural resentment that runs through America's heart land like an artery clogged with hate butter. And liberals, to be fair, sometimes make it pretty easy for them to do that.
When Gwyneth Paltrow said her divorce was a 'conscious uncoupling,' even I wanted to jump in a truck, crank up the Lynyrd Skynyrd and shoot up a farmer's market.
And as a comedian, I don’t like it when the political correctness Nazis hound me to censor every joke and apologize for every slight. And when I have to learn how to pronounce words like chai and quinoa — I just want to shove a head of kale up their a**.
They mean well, but sometimes when I’m at Whole Foods, I don’t want to sign petitions and give to charity -- I just want to go in and get a $15 lentil sandwich that'll make me fart for a week.
I also, for example, think it’s ridiculous that Facebook has now decided we have to choose, in our profile, from 56 different genders -- including transgender, cisgender and, of course, Bruce Gender.
You know, I once almost ate at Chick-fil-A just because so many people were telling me I shouldn’t eat at Chick-fil-A. But then I remembered -- it’s Chick-fil-A.
But even atheists make me roll my eyes sometimes. Like when they sue to have a cross taken down from a building. Oh for f***s sake, we are atheists, not vampires. If you can’t handle seeing a cross now and then, you picked the wrong country.
So, I get it -- liberals can be obnoxious. And that's why lots of Americans say we don't want politicians nagging about what we can name our football team, or how big our soda can be, or what we can eat, or who we've offended. We have wives for that.
But don't cut off your nose to spite your face. One of the Republicans strongest voting blocks is low-income whites who didn't go to college. These are people who desperately need a minimum wage hike, need unions; they need health care. But not if its got Obama's name on it.
Remember, for every liberal with a cause who makes you go, 'Oh, just shoot me,' there's a conservative with a gun who will.